September 20th, 2007

At a recent event at the Commerce Casino in Los Angeles, California, Jose Canseco played in somewhat of an exclusive poker tournament. While this ordinarily wouldn’t make any kind of news, no matter how big of a steroid supporter you are (is that you, Barry?), the type of poker tournament is what makes this newsworthy. You see, Jose saw it fit to enter a “Ladies Only” event, which one would assume means hjose cansecois testicles have now receded inside his body and he now experiences identity confusion. While I’m sure a case could be made that his body does not, in fact, produce levels of testosterone comparable to your average male, this is a very awkward stage in which to announce your impending sex change.

While he wasn’t the only ovarian-challenged player involved (five other idiots tried to increase the sausage content of the party), he certainly was the first to bust out. This is excellent news for everyone, because everyone unequivocally hates Canseco, whether you know it or not. Whether it is because he wrote a book snitching on baseball’s steroid problem (which probably has some truth to it, but was obviously just a cash grab), he auctioned off the opportunity to have a BBQ dinner with him at his house, or that he has numerous accusations against him for domestic abuse, you hate him. Admit it freely, we do.

This is not to say Jose does not make the world a better place. While we think he is a total dumbass, he has provided us with two great memories. The first one, Jose managed to convince his manager to let him pitch the eighth inning in a blowout loss to Boston in 1993. During this sorry attempt, he injured his arm, and had to undergo season ending surgery. While this is comical enough, it pales in comparison to what had happened just a few days earlier. In a game against Cleveland, he was tracking a fly ball back towards the wall, which proceeded to bounce off his head and over the fence for a home run. This Week In Baseball proceeded to call this the greatest blooper in the show’s 21 year existence, and even led to the Harrisburg Heat of the now-defunct National Professional Soccer League to offer him a contract. Losing to a bunch of women at a poker table must be a walk in the park after enduring this.

1 user commented in " Jose Canseco Turns In His Penis (Or What’s Left of It) "

Follow-up comment rss or Leave a Trackback
Jimbo said,
in October 6th, 2007 at 3:00 am

Yeah but on RBI baseball on Nintendo Cansco was the MAN!

Leave A Reply

 Username (*required)

 Email Address (*private)

 Website (*optional)